I just need control.
Everyone with an addiction yearns for control. I need control over where my money goes now because for years I didn’t care. That doesn’t mean I overspent all the time. I have always considered myself thrifty with my money. I just didn’t have a clue about where it all went. I would go months and months with no new clothes and then, it seemed like always at the worst financial time for us as a family, I would decide I needed a new $60 pair of jeans – that I deserved them – only to find out minutes after tearing off the tag that my dh balanced the checkbook earlier and we were overspent by that amount and then some.
I fought frustration at those times. How could I work hard every day and not deserve a treat? All I wanted out of life was to be able to spend fifty bucks every once in a while without our lives falling apart!
Now that I’ve decided to take control of my dollars, I feel enabled to do just that. I know when I can and when I can’t.
I can’t 90% of the time.
That’s the nature of the beast. Welcome to lower middle class America where a student loan may get you a good job, but it will haunt you for the next 20 years as you attempt to build a life around it.
After the past weekend of traveling to help the parents with a house project, I am now in the red with my “leftover” money from shopping due to two fast food drive throughs.
What could I have done differently this week?
Not traveled.
But we owed my parents some labor from the time they put into our house during our remodel.
I had the $107 (yes, $107) in my account for the gas.
We needed crickets for the gecko and there’s no pet store in my small town.
So we traveled.
Now the excursion is on empty again and so is my bank account.
But it’s not in the red. That’s the bright side.
A year ago that would have been the norm. At least we’re making progress, right?
January 14, 2008...8:48 pm
I’m not really this money crazy
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